nothing

hello

Sat, 09 Dec 2006 02:32:43 GMT

on open waters
now i can finally be
floating on some reality
what is this nothing?
this time it’s just lost

nothing to warm my hands
as moments and memories fade
you were right all along
it didn't hurt much
it’s over and i'm numb

if i could hear you
scream one more time
would it be the same
ambiguity?

what did you see on the waters
as you fed the fire within?
vile sins and tragedies,
or nothing?

so just go live your life
and i will do nothing
and while you ride the waves
i hope you feel something

As Mysterious as Jade

Tue, 21 Nov 2006 18:54:38 GMT

When you were young
And smiles frequented your face
You thought to yourself
How could I ever leave this place?

Flowers on your grave
As tears crash and fall
The prophecy you gave
I treasure most of all

The color of life is hard
As mysterious as Jade
Are you sleeping soundly
In the bed that you’ve made?

I wish you peace
From sorrow and madness
Your life was over in a flash
Drowned in sadness

This jade is so cold
A gift from a friend
And the memories made
Will never end

Blank thoughts & Emotionless memories

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 00:56:33 GMT

Oh, I can finally see
What ever happened to you and me?
What is this feeling that I can’t see
It’s nothing

Moments and memories fade
you were right all along
it didn't hurt much
its over and i'm numb

When did this happen?
This time it’s just lost
And I feel nothing

Nothing is the space between us
Nothing captivates our minds
Nothing keeps our hearts from bleeding
Nothing keeps us satisfied
Nothing…

At last I have you where I want you
But I can no longer see
everything you were to me
I can't hear you! Scream!

But the words are just the same
as we’re dancing 'round the truth
the sparkle has left your eye
I feel as though I’ve lost my mind

What do you see as you round the corner?
Feeding the fire within you so
with vile sins and tragadies,
or nothing? nothing?

I just feel nothing...

Nothing is the space between us
Nothing captivates our minds
Nothing keeps our hearts from bleeding
Nothing keeps us satisfied
Nothing…

so just go live your life
and i will do nothing

swirling wirls

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 20:16:06 GMT

This is a rewrite from a previous entry....

Did I leave a sour taste in your mouth?
I had hoped to leave things better
but I failed you
and I failed me
and now I am living with the consequences
Will you hate me?
Will you think of me and cringe?
Will you write me off as a miscreant
and never think of me again?
I hate myself for believing a lie
Telling myself that you were there
To take and love
All lies have a price
Mine was too dear
Garbled words and deceit
and feelings like the mists
disappearing, brittle and cold

Obsession has led me down a lonely road
In my arms the mists begin to swirl
Showing me glimpses, fuzz
Down the road I see a light
hazy mists and vapors
Perhaps I will stay here a while
Wait for this cover to clear
Or stumble around blindly
Trip, fall and bleed black
for it is too dark in my head
And to early to see the red
The warmth of the sun on my head
Lost in thoughts, mists, and swirls
There you lay
I will save my strength for another day
yes, for another day

Oh, you think this is you?

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 02:18:35 GMT

Are we doomed to repeat
The things that we say?
Why all these circles?
Why everyday?

Can we find
A richer existance?
Let us scream "No!"
resist the persistance

No, we continue this act
'Cause we’ve done it before
And we know that it's safe
But there has to be more.

I'm compelled to continue
although bored to death
But it's all I know
And I'm holding my breath

Our souls are blackened
but the sun is seeping in
trying to warm
the corruption within

We reject the light
And hide in the black
We are afraid
Of what we might lack

There is more to this life
Please can’t you see!
I am sick of these rings
That surround you and me.

A boring existance
Of drawing in sand
Help me stop this,
Come grab my hand.

We can do this together
Stop them from forming
All we must to do
Is end all the mourning.

Mourning a life
That has yet to become
We're too scared to fight
We'd rather succumb

Cirlces in sand
Are old and true
Why do we draw them
Believing they're new?

Stop your sketching of thoughts
And I will stop mine
My fingers are numb
Isn't it time?

The unending symbols
we put them there
Our bodies are stuck
in a passionless stare

We have the power
Why can’t you see?
All we must do
Is look to the sea!

Don't be afraid
Jump in the water
Hold on to me
Our fears we'll slaughter

Take a dive my friend
And I will, too
We'll explore this life
In the bottomless blue!

pebbles

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 21:59:05 GMT

Love can grow
Not for me, it can’t
Not for me, it won’t
I am doomed to live without it
All my lives as one

I can not bring myself to do it
I cannot find the strength or the will
Where has it gone?
And why do I kill?

The hearts that once were mine
Are dead and gone
Left to the dust and leaves
I used them up and left them cold
Bleeding in the dark

But now they see
See me for that person
That I always was
Cold and dark hearted and bitter
Colder than you will ever know

I left them dark and bitter
But only for a time
For I am the one who is bitter
That I do this every time

Steal away your hearts from me
For I will wreak havoc and lay a wake
Of destruction for my path is rocky
And pebbles in my path cause me to jump
And release your hand only to find another along the way

You were an unsuspecting victim
You took my hand and went along
Thinking you were safe and loved
But I let go and you fell
Because I walked in front and led the way
Obstructing the pebbles from your view
Pebbles that only I could see
And now you lay in the path for all to see
But only I am there
Fading fast
Misery

silence is my only friend

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 16:47:57 GMT

I am here and you are gone
Why can’t I see you?
I fear you are with her

I hope you are happy now
Seeing with her eyes
I will leave you alone now

And never come back to you
Forever is long
And endless in its timing

Silence is my only friend
Golden is its rule
I die a little each day

If my path were to cross yours
You would see in me
That I have no more lives here

Our time together was great
But you have drained me
And now I pay for it all

I hope to see you again
To get in your heart
To warm the frost that is there

This life has brought pain to me
And I see you there
Looking at me and you care

To look away would cure you
And you should do it
Save your heart and do it now

Silence is my only friend
Golden is its rule
I die a little each day

You can be happy with her
My time is lost now
And my bed is made for me

Razor blades sticky with blood
People from a past
Life have shown me what it was

Now I see my life clearly
I will go without
You were there but not with me

Silence is my only friend
Golden is its rule
I die a little each day

Wishing I could be with you
Seeing you lay there
And only I understand

Silence is my only friend

sad sick and true

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 22:21:01 GMT

leave me alone
never call me again
the pain is too much
and it never ends

pack up your lovely heart
or I’ll throw it in the sea
just go and steal away
all the joy it gives to me

of my heart I am fond
and it hurts me so deep
I think I’ll shut it off
And put it back to sleep

what price will I pay
to rid myself of you?
to lose the beating heart
that was always meant for you?

a cold and empty existence?
To a drummer with no sound
who walks in and sets up shop
to replace my beating pound

a thousand broken promises
to myself and then I bleed
what has happened to this girl
in her time of greed?

is it wrong to have these feelings
and lock them all away?
without ever finding the joy
that makes me bright and gay?

why can't I be happy?
its like I beat myself down
whenever there is a chance
that I might leave misery town

I am so weak and powerless
over my love for you
I am so weak and powerless
over what I must do

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 21:53:26 GMT

how can i let go
if you won't tell me
what's holding you from
letting go

how can i let go
if you won't let go

i will let you go
shit
no i won't
why can't i let go?

i would love to
tell me how
i would love this anxiety to leave me
i would love not to think about you everyday
i would really love not to dream about you!
tell me what i should do
how do you do it?
lets start with that
maybe it will help me shed some light
on the reasons why i can't
am I weak?
do I love you too much?
is this normal?
for me to feel you?
for me to breath you in?
for me to hold my breath
until i see you again?

its tearing me apart inside
i feel i will never be whole again
what is this prision
of a mind i am in?

i don't want you
i don't
yes i do
i want you
i need you
no i don't!

rambling

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 21:46:50 GMT

be a fucking actor in your life
tell someone how you feel
take a fucking chance on
the ones who make your life worth living
if you were to die tomorrow
would you still be silent today?

take a dive off a cliff
fall in your own way
stubble and fall
and pick yourself back up again.
pick yourself back up again!

why do you care to not care?
why do you react and not act?
why keep me on a thread,
why do this to me?
let me be free
let me go
let me be me

stop and take a second
to breath me in
can you taste me?
can you feel me?

stop me from caring
stop me from wasting my time
my love
my life

kill this
bleed this
wash this
sell this

don't keep me locked away
let me go so i can fly
wash away this fight inside
let me go so i can breath on my own
on my own
on my own

don't laugh with me
don't fly with me
don't think of me
leave me be

the stormy sea
anxiety
she won't be happy
'cause you won't be
on the inside of me
can't you see
how can you flee
unceremoniously?

moody

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 19:42:54 GMT

i hope i didn't leave a sour taste in your mouth
i had hoped to leave things better
but i failed you
and i failed me
and now i am living with the concequences

will you hate me?
will you think of me an cringe?
will you write me off as a miscreant
and never think of me again

i hate myself for believing a lie
for telling myself that you were there
for me to take and love
i have lied to myself and now i pay

i pay with words you don't understand
and feelings that are gone like the mists
that dissapear but still leave behind the cold
so cold it brittles your bones

obsession has led me down a lonely road
without its prime objective and nobondy to hold
in my arms the mists begin to swirl
and show me glimses of what i could have had
that will never ever be told

down the road i see a light
but its hazy in the morning mist
perhaps i will stay here a while and see if it clears
see if the wind comes to show me the way

or perhaps i will stumble around blindly until i find my way
trip and fall and bleed black
for it is too dark to see the red
or feel the warmth of the sun on my head
heavy with the weight of what may lie ahead
i will save my strength for another day
yes, for another day

too late

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 03:01:22 GMT

so i am writing in here to vent to no one in particular. live up to this point has been interesting. more on this later i have to go